


Beauty of His Heart

by fisherford40



Category: Star Wars RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 02:32:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7958929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fisherford40/pseuds/fisherford40
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harrison won't stand for one more comment about Carrie's appearance. She is beautiful and he wants her to know it. Based on Carrie's panel at Wizard World.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beauty of His Heart

**Author's Note:**

> “She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No, she wasn’t beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul. She is beautiful.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald

“So I w-” she says before she's cut off. 

“You’re still beautiful!” a man shouts from the audience, and he takes that as his cue to enter. 

Carrie begins making an awwing noise and Harrison steps out onto the stage. “She is, isn’t she?” he says into the microphone he’d gotten someone on the side of the stage to give him, speaking over her. Her head whips to the side to look at him as her hand falls and she drops the microphone to her lap. The crowd goes crazy, cheering as he walks toward her, and the hosts of the panel look like they’ve won the lottery. Gary gets off the sofa and runs to him, licking his hand as he bends down to greet the dog. 

Carrie has recovered now, always so poised, but he can tell she’s shocked. He hadn't told her he was coming to the panel. He was supposed to arrive and stay in their hotel suite for the day until she came back, but now here he was, having decided to surprise her. She’s standing, giving him a small grin as she shakes her head. “He has to say that, he’s my husband,” she explains to the audience.

He winks at her and stands up fully again and walks the rest of the way to the couch, Gary following at his heels. “Hello, beautiful,” he says quietly, the microphone at his side now as he gives her a soft peck on the lips like he had in San Diego the year before. He takes a seat on the couch, still leaving enough room for Gary to curl up against the side of his leg while Carrie retakes her seat on his other side. 

“She really is just as beautiful as she was when she was twenty-three. Even more so,” he says, nodding at their audience as people cheered in agreement. He leans back into the couch and stretches his arm out behind her, letting his fingertips rest on her shoulder. He knows her well and can feel her tense and he presses his fingertips slightly more firm against her, silently telling her to relax. 

“Welcome, Harrison,” one of the hosts says, finally seeming able to say something after his surprise entrance. Harrison just nods. “What a pleasant surprise to have you join us today.”

“Indeed,” Carrie pipes up. “Now we all get to look at a good looking person,” she smirks, gesturing at him with her free hand as she made reference to what she’d just said before he’d come out. “You can all look at him now instead of focusing on old Leia.” 

“I love old Leia,” he says gruffly, firmly pulling her into his side then and feeling her stiffen even more. He keeps her there, meeting her gaze as she looks at him, giving nothing away on her face. But he knows her, knows every part of her, and he can see that she’s confused. They don’t do this. They don’t cuddle for a prolonged amount of time in public, especially not at fan conventions. He returns her gaze, communicating that it’s okay, he wants to hold her. 

The applause from his comment dies away and one of the hosts begins speaking and Harrison drags his eyes from hers to look at the man asking him a question. “So you don’t mind looking at old Leia, then, Harrison?”

“Listen,” he says, struggling now to keep the hard edge from creeping into his voice. “Old Leia is beautiful. Carrie is beautiful,” he stresses, glancing at her quickly before he looks out at the audience again. “Let’s get something straight here. Everyone needs to stop criticizing her about her appearance. She’s gorgeous. She’s aged beautifully. Just because she doesn’t look the same as when she was twenty-three doesn’t mean she isn’t breathtaking. And she’s right, none of you will look the same in the future as you did when you were twenty-three. Hell, I sure don’t. Everyone ages. She doesn’t deserve this. No one does, but especially not her. Think we can stress that to other people?” he questions as he finished his rant, posing a challenge to this audience, to the people in the audience who don’t just care about her appearance, but actually care about her. 

The audience cheers and he relaxes slightly, but he still has their comments on his mind. “We’ve still got a couple other issues here. First, no more wishing Leia had died instead of Han. Second, what’s so wrong about me being a better kiss than Belushi? I didn’t have to put on mascara,” he teases, trying to keep his comments lighthearted even when he is actually bothered. “Carrie and I had some great kisses, even though I don’t like screen kisses,” he says, still covering because he can’t be completely truthful even though a part of him yearns to be.

When he looks back at her, Carrie is smirking and raising an eyebrow at him. “Well, that’s my scruffy nerfherder,” she says. “Always protecting me even though I’m a badass on my own.” He lets her joke about it, because that’s what she does, and he can tell that she’ll question him about it later, but he can hear the pride in her voice as she speaks. The crowd laughs and he smiles at her. 

“I did crash your panel, sweetheart, so I’ll let you get back to captivating the audience now,” he teases. He looks out at everyone and waves the hand that isn’t around her shoulders, but is holding the microphone in a sweeping gesture. “Just forget I’m here,” he drawls. He drops his hand and looks back to her. “Go on, use the Force to make them forget I’m here. This is your shindig.”

Carrie only laughs, as does the audience, and the panel is back underway as the hosts pose a few more questions and the audience does as well. Harrison is pleased when there aren’t any more comments on her appearance. He pets Gary as he listens to her answer questions with her usual humor, but he can tell she’s getting tired. 

When she only has one question left, he interjects again, posing another request to the audience. “Do you all mind if Carrie pushes her picture and autograph sessions back an hour? I want to steal of bit of her time since I’ve popped in to surprise her.” The audience voices their agreement to his proposition and Harrison smiles. All he wants to do is take her to a back room and sit on a couch, holding her tightly. He wants to comfort her, which will in turn comfort him after what he’s just had to watch her endure. 

The final comment is made and Harrison’s heart bursts with love and admiration for her as she calls forward a woman with a service dog. Her heart is so huge, and he is always in awe of her. He watches her stand and greet the woman and invite her backstage. The panel ends and he and the hosts stand, Gary jumping off the sofa and staying by Carrie as they all make their way off the stage, waving goodbye to the audience who cheers for them. His free hand is on the small of her back as he ushers her off the stage, but she’s focused on this woman and he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

He takes her microphone from her hand and nods at her, encouraging her to keep talking to the woman while he steps away to turn their microphones back over to the tech people. He stands to the side then, giving her and this woman space, and he smiles as he watches Carrie putting that huge heart on display yet again. When someone comes to escort the woman back out, Carrie hugs her and then steps back, immediately locating him. She approaches him and then she’s looking up at him, the confusion back in her eyes. “Harrison,” she whispers, touching his arm lightly as if she’s checking to make sure he’s real and this isn’t just a dream. “What are you doing here?” 

“I wanted to surprise you,” he says, offering her a small grin. She gives him one back and shakes her head. “Come on, is there somewhere we can go sit?” he asks. She nods and leads him to one of the rooms where the celebrities can sit and rest, the room thankfully empty for the moment. He sits and pulls her down next to him, Gary jumping up to rest against her leg. 

“I didn’t mean to steal your show,” he said softly. “I wasn’t going to come out, I was just going to wait for you to finish and say hello before I went to the hotel, but-” He stops then, his voice catching as he lets his emotions catch back up with himself again. 

“What, honey?” Carrie asks him, resting a hand lightly on his thigh. Harrison takes her hand in his and squeezes it gently. 

“I heard what people were saying to you. Laughing when you brought up Carrison, which admittedly you did in a funny way, but still. And the guy with the less than enthusiastic reaction when you talked about kissing me. Having your appearance brought up again and again. I know you were self-conscious back then, that you still are, and I couldn’t let it continue. I couldn’t listen to it anymore. It hurts me too much to see you have to respond to them about your looks.” Harrison speaks quickly, almost rambling, and Carrie’s eyes widen. 

“Harrison, Harrison, calm down,” she says, moving her hand to his face as she brushes her thumb against his cheek gently. “Hey, I’m okay. I was handling it, like I always do. You know this happens all the time. It’s never going to change, unfortunately. But, you did get them to stop today,” she consoles him, smiling softly. 

Harrison takes a deep breath and nods. “I know,” he whispers. “Carrie, I know you don’t need me to defend you, but I wish I could make it stop forever.” 

“I know you do, dear. I appreciate that immensely,” Carrie tells him, leaning her head against his shoulder as she drops her hand back down. They’re quiet for a moment, Harrison breathing deeply, his arm wrapped around her, convincing himself that she’s okay. Carrie just soaks up the moment, having him here holding her, remembering how he’d just held her in front of everyone at the panel. “Harrison?” she asks quietly.

“Hmm?” he murmurs into the hair on the top of her head. 

“People are going to talk,” she points out. “You kissed me, you held me, and you very firmly stood up for me.” 

“I know,” he replies, and his voice is firm. “It’s okay. You’re the one that brought up Carrison in the first place,” he teases. 

Carrie chuckles and smiles, snuggling further into his side. “Well, they ruined Han and Leia and I don’t really care all that much about any of the other characters’ relationships, so I went with the - what is it called, ship? - I do care about.” 

Harrison laughs as well and squeezes her arm. “I think it was a lovely choice.” 

“Really, Harrison, there’s going to be a stir, though,” she insists, not willing to let the subject drop that easy. 

“Carrie, I know. It’s fine. We will deal with whatever people say about us together. I couldn’t let you sit there alone, I just couldn’t. I hate the way people talk about you,” he says vehemently.

“Okay, alright, you’re right, it’ll be fine,” she agrees, realizing the depth of what he’d been feeling in the moment. She’s struck by it, by how much he cares about her. “Besides, people hardly reacted when I mentioned us earlier, so maybe it won’t be that big of a deal,” she says, laughing softly. “Either way, thank you,” she whispers. 

“You’re welcome,” he whispers back, pressing a kiss to her temple. “And for the record, I wasn’t lying when I said you are just as beautiful as you were when you were twenty-three.”

“I know,” she says softly, smiling and closing her eyes as she relaxes against him. She sighs. “I should probably go, they’re all waiting for me.” 

“They said it was okay. You can stay a little longer if you need to, sweetheart,” he says, rubbing her arm. 

“I know, but I don’t want to let them down. Some of them might need me,” she reminds him, and Harrison can’t find fault with her logic. 

“As long as you’re okay, Carrie,” he relents. 

“I’m perfect,” she breathes, turning her face toward him and tilting it up to press a kiss to his jaw. “Plus, the more we delay it, the longer it is until I can come back to the hotel and you can hold me for real,” she stresses. 

“You bet I’ll hold you,” he tells her firmly. “I just want to hold you and never let you go.” 

Carrie leans forward and angles her torso toward him. She raises a hand to cup his cheek and offers a tired smile. “I’ll see you back at the hotel, honey. I love you.” She gives him a soft kiss before standing, Gary immediately jumping down off the couch. 

“I love you, too, Carrie. I’ll be waiting,” he says, returning her small smile. It falls from his face as he watches her retreating form walk away from him. He prays her photograph and autograph sessions will go quickly and that she’ll come back to him as soon as she can. Harrison sighs and stands from the couch, exiting the way she’d left. He does his best to slip unnoticed from the building and heads to the hotel, his heart heavy as he waits for her to join him there.

\----

Carrie leans her head against the headrest in the backseat of the car and heaves a heavy sigh. She enjoys these conventions, she really does, but they tire her out every time. Especially today. Gary sits on the seat beside her and she pets him absently as she closes her eyes, soaking in the silence of the car ride as the driver takes her to the hotel. Her mind is a mess. What just happened today? Harrison had shown up and been so protective, had even allowed himself to wrap an arm around her shoulder in front of everyone, holding her to his side. She shakes her head, still wondering if it had actually happened. Maybe she’ll go inside and he won’t even be there. That this will all have been a dream. God, she hopes not.

They finally reach the hotel and she gets out, calling for Gary to follow as they walk inside. She walks to the elevator and gets on, slumping against the wall of it as it takes her up to her floor. Her feet drag as she walks down the hallway and her hand shakes as she puts the keycard into the slot. She’s so afraid she’ll open the door and he won’t be there, that her mind is playing tricks on her again. 

She removes the card and takes a deep breath as she pushes down on the handle. Slowly, she pushes the door open and feels tears spring to her eyes as she sees him, stretched out on the bed, waiting for her just as he’d promised. “Carrie,” she hears him say, his voice full of emotion, and then somehow he’s crossed the room and she’s in his arms, the door closing behind her as Gary runs past their legs into the room and jumps onto the bed to sleep. 

“Harrison,” she whispers, her voice breaking as she wraps her arms around him. She lets him hold her for a moment, really hold her in a firm grasp, her face pressed against his chest. Her hands fist in the material of his shirt at his lower back as she takes comfort from his embrace. “I thought you might not be here,” she confesses. “That maybe I was just dreaming.” 

“I’m here, sweetheart,” Harrison soothes. “I’ve got you.” Carrie nods against his chest, her mind relaxing somewhat as she takes in his words and the feeling of his arms around her, his solid presence and deep voice grounding her and reassuring her that this is happening and not just wishful thinking. “Come on, let’s sit so I can hold you like I promised,” he says, and she feels him usher her to the bed with a gentle hand on the small of her back. 

She sets her purse on the chair and sits on the side of the bed, removing her shoes before she swings her legs up onto the bed. Harrison is already on his side of the bed, and his arms draw her in as her body instinctively gravitates toward his. He pulls her into his side, his arms wrapping around her as he leans them back against the headboard, pillows propped behind their backs. 

“Did something happen in your sessions?” he asks, starting a conversation as his hand rubs up and down her arm. 

“No, they were fine. Everyone listened to you, don’t worry,” she said, leaning her head on his shoulder. “I really was just worried you wouldn’t be here, Harrison. I worry every time you tell me you’re coming that you won’t be able to make it for some reason and I’ll have gotten my hopes up for nothing. I can’t help it. I was honestly afraid the whole thing was a dream. It’s not like I don’t have enough of those. Dreaming that you’re here and waking up without you is awful,” she mumbles.

“Oh, Carrie,” he says quietly. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I wish I could always be with you so you never had to wake up alone.”

She sniffles, snuggling further into his side. “I know. I know you do. You love me,” she murmurs. 

“I do,” Harrison says firmly. “I do love you, Carrie.”

“I know,” she says again. “I really do. You showed me that today.” She pauses, thinking through the panel again. “You showed everyone that today,” she comments. “You surprised me.”

His arms tighten around her. “I couldn’t help myself. As I said earlier, I couldn’t let you sit there all alone, having to discuss your appearance again and again. It’s not healthy for you, and it’s all ridiculous anyway.” 

“They have a point, Harrison,“ she says letting her vulnerability and pain show now that she can. “I don’t look like I did back then. I don’t look the best I could right now because of choices I made in my life. And you know I never thought of myself as-”

“Stop,” he cuts her off. “No more. This is why I hate it when you go to these things and people spout all this crap at you. Then you start thinking it yourself again.” He pulls her onto his lap crossways, his arms around her waist as he looks down at her. “Carrie Frances Fisher, you are beautiful. You always have been, you always will be, and you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me. Fuck what anyone else says.”

Carrie looks away, unable to meet his gaze. “Harrison, you’re just saying that. I’m not-”

“Carrie,” his voice is low and warning. He lifts a hand and gently tilts her chin up so he can meet her gaze. “Yes. You are.” They stare at each other, Harrison unwilling to back down, and he sees his words finally start to sink in. He knows they never fully will, and it breaks his heart, but all he can do is tell her over and over again. 

She wraps her fingers around his wrist and brings their hands down to rest in her lap. She holds his hand palm up in one of hers as she traces patterns in his skin with her pointer finger. “Harrison,” she says again after a few minutes of silence. “They all laughed,” she says quietly. 

The arm around her waist tightens and pulls her closer against his chest. “It doesn’t matter, Carrie,” he says. “It doesn’t matter what they think. They don’t know what we have. They don’t understand our love, sweetheart. Most of them probably think you’re joking anyway.” 

“I’m not,” she says firmly, her eyes snapping back to his.

“I know you’re not,” he assures her. “But they don’t, honey. That’s my fault, and I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Carrie. But I love you. We love each other. That’s what truly matters, in the grand scheme of things.”

“You’re right,” she says softly. “But I just wish it was different. I wish we could be together fully, in public. I wish you could hold me like this all the time. That people could see our love for all that it is.”

Harrison feels tears pooling in his eyes and he curses himself for being the cause of this pain. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “Carrie, I want to give you that, but…” 

She sighs. “Hey, I know. I know, Harrison.” She starts playing with his fingers then, his hand still in hers. “Some people do know I wasn’t kidding though,” she admits. “It may be a smaller group, but they know, and they support us. That’s better than nothing, right?”

“Yeah,” he breathes. “I’m glad you have them, Carrie. I’m glad they support you, support us. They will love that you brought us up, when they hear about it. I’m sure of it.” 

“They will,” she confirms, looking up at him again. “Harrison, I know you get nervous when I talk about us, but I just-”

He silences her with a soft kiss. “It’s okay, Carrie. They help you. They support you. Talk to them. Draw from that support.”

“Yeah?” she whispers, her own eyes filling with tears.

“Yes. I love you, Carrie. I want you to get all the support and love you need. They’re positive, they aren’t obnoxious, they aren’t teasing you, they actually support us. Don’t outright confirm anything, but talk to them, sweetheart. It’s okay,” he tells her, his hand rubbing up and down her back. 

Carrie presses her face to his chest, wrapping her arms around him, and he holds her, feeling more at peace now that she’s in his arms and he knows she’s okay, that she’s going to be okay, that he’ll do everything he can to make sure she is okay for the rest of his life. 

“Harrison?” Her voice is a mumbled whisper against his chest. 

“Yeah, honey?” he says, lifting a hand to stroke her hair. 

“Thank you,” she breathes. He waits for her to say more, but she doesn’t need to. He knows she’s thanking him for actually coming to the panel to surprise her early instead of just coming to the hotel, for intervening during the panel to support and protect her, and for holding her, soothing her, loving her. 

“You’re welcome,” he answers, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I love you, Carrie.”

“I know, Harrison,” she says, her voice louder. “I love you, too.”


End file.
